10 years and counting…

August 28, 2006 at 4:38 pm (Family)

What a week it’s been! If you had asked me last week how things were going, you would have heard a sorry earful of woe. On the one hand, I was immersed in some work on my dad’s site, and excited about that. But at home, things had deteriorated to an awful state. And my ordinary tendency to ignore it, or at least bottle up my anger and resentment (because there is no point in trying to discuss things) was not going un-noticed. Trip and I finally were forced to talk, and even then, it wasn’t pretty. Our first attempt was sad and awful, and I was sure it was the end for us. But we are committed to each other and even though we are both unhappy about a lot of aspects of life we love each other. I think we were both so scared by the thought of breaking up our marriage that we just had to figure out how to fix it as best as we could. We each talked about the things that were bothering us. We admitted that both of us had to compromise, and that we had to be more proactive about communicating, and working together towards common goals. Not that it was said that way in so many words, but we really talked it all out, and I didn’t leave anything out. I even wrote things down and I have already seen some positive changes. So I feel so much better about married life. And I’m rather surprised about it all. I honestly would have said it was over with us, and that he wouldn’t change and I’ve had enough – but I would have been wrong. I still want to move out of New Jersey and I just have to hope Trip will be more receptive in the future, but for now, he’s willing to make this a better place by being more sociable, and he seems to finally understand that I need a daughter in my life some day, one way or another, and knowing he is with me on that is really helping me. I have hope now, where I didn’t before. All good things.