Rainy Day

July 6, 2006 at 8:36 am (Family, Personal)

It’s 7:40 – pouring rain and has been all night. I am hoping fervently that I can drop my kids off with M_____ in order to redeem my 2 hour kid watching credit. I’m ready for some time off. The house is completely put together. Yesterday was a crappy day for Trip & I. He really talks to me in an asshole tone sometimes and he did that yesterday.

After finding out that at least two huge blabbermouths know that one of our married friends is staying here – I decided I’d really feel more comfortable about everything if I spoke to his wife – opened to lines of communication, told her my feelings and got to hear hers, rather than just worrying about it. I drove her husband to the train station, and told him what I thought, and he gave me his blessing. After that, when I spoke to Trip on the phone, I mentioned it, and had the pleasure of being yelled at! Like I’m some kind of dolt for even thinking it. But again, it wasn’t what was said as much as HOW it was said. Such an asshole! Then in the evening I was making dinner. I had turned off the central air early in the day because it’s just too expensive to run, but I had not yet opened up all the windows and it was getting pretty hot. I was sure he’d be mad at me for a) turning off the air, and b) not opening up all the windows. So I tried opening some of them, but let’s face it, cooking in the summer makes the kitchen get hot. He came in and immediately starts with the sighing (I HATE THAT!!!!!) followed by sarcastic comments (It’s great to be home) – I tried to jokingly insert, “You mean, ‘I’m so glad to see you!'”, followed by mild berating about how sticky it is in the house, why did I open the windows, etc. It was much cooler but damp outside. I wanted to tell him to go out on the porch where it was much cooler and go fuck himself.

So I finished dinner, ate without talking, barely looked at him all night. And I stayed up to fold 2 loads of laundry, make iced coffee for this morning, clean house, take out the trash, and generally avoid him until he went to sleep. By the way, it’s like day 5 with no “dating”. Last night was out of the question – I was so pissed. But Tuesday night? he was tired, Monday night? hot and tired, Sunday night? probably tired, Saturday night? who knows. WTF!!!! How did I wind up with the only man in the world who is completely disinterested in sex?!? And now he’s trying to be a little bit nice to me – but I’m still kind of pissed. And he would never in a million years apologize for the way he spoke to me. What kind of idiot am I to just put up with that. I should have yelled at him yesterday, but I was a little shocked both times. I think I always feel shocked. I wish I could have taped it all – because he never can recall the venom in his voice.

When I started typing this, I thought it was Friday for some reason. Now I am going to figure out what to focus on today. I woke up M____ yesterday when I called at 9:00am, so I am afraid to call her yet to ask her to take my kids. Wish me luck!