Maxed Out! *&%$#$

June 5, 2006 at 8:31 pm (Family, Personal)

What a day! I was busy in good ways – the usual laundry, dusting, cleaning, mowing the lawn. But I was anxious to make an important call to Amex because we were so very close to going over our spending limit. Of course, I knew that we shouldn’t be that close, and that we shouldn’t try to raise the limit, but if you go over, then the APR shoots up into the stratosphere. So my first sick feeling came as the Rep on the phone told me that we couldn’t raise our limit – we are already as high as we can go. Lovely. The next horrible feeling came seconds later when she told me we had already gone over our spending limit. Panic! I wound up making a payment immediately (which is going to overdraw our checking account – truly robbing Peter to pay Paul) and then ran out to Target to return some things I bought last week. (My cute cheap shoes!) The only good thing about this is that it now forces the issue. We have to pay that card down and Trip knows how high it is. Also, I can’t use it to bail myself out monthly or buy stupid crap – which is how we got into this awful situation in the first place. Granted – my new Mission Audio Bureau is going to look lovely in the living room – and I honestly (though I know I must sound so stupid) believe we can pay it down now that Trip’s raise is coming this month and we will be done paying off the new water heater, and we are now being forced to “pay the piper” so to speak. Last night I planned our menu for the week to avoid over shopping, or last minute expensive eating or running to the store. I get paid on Wednesday and will be running to put the money in the bank, and now it’s time to hunker down.

In spite of all this financial worry, I’m feeling pretty good about life and specifically life with Trip. First, I have to say I think he’s making a big effort to be more amorous. Second, in spite of the fact that our new purchase may be fundamentally stupid for people in huge debt, I think it will be a huge improvement in my daily scene. And I think it will spur me on to continue improving the house (without spending more money, though). We moved around some furniture (as I started doing last month.) We worked together. (Honestly I was pissed because throughout the furniture switching I had to continually discuss the merits f the move. I’m like, “Just do it – if you don’t like it we’ll move it back! Why the endless hemming and hawing!” The kitchen looks nicer, the living room, the guest room. All getting better. We had a huge talk last night also about lots of things. I felt better just being able to have a nice talk without getting overly emotional. Trip actually said “I’d like to have another child” !!! “but…” No – it wasn’t quite like that – I feel much more hopeful that I have in a long time. But I have a lot of work to do if we are going to ever make this happen. I think he is just scared – of moving and the responsibliity of a new little one. And he thinks I don’t know what I want. I don’t think that’s ever been a problem, honestly. I clearly know what I want and I do everything in my power to make it happen. It’s a little easier to be understanding of his fear than having to be understanding of him just being an immovable turd who wants to thwart my every move. I just pray I may see a few more of my dreams come true in this lifetime.