Devastating Photo of me!

March 29, 2005 at 12:10 am (Uncategorized)

I would never display this awful thing. I can’t even imagine getting it printed. Today my buddy Michele and I were going to start our Strong Women’s Journals, and I was going to really buckle down and get with the program. I was very overwhelmed today with stuff. The kids had a bath first thing because we stunk like smoke from Aunt Marilyns Easter dinner with all the smokers when we got in late last night. Then I scoured the tub, did 4 loads of laundry & a load of hand wash, finished preparing my photos for Trip to print for me at work (for mom’s and my scrapbook, did some mending, worked for 2 hours for Frank from home, played with the kids, made lunch, the usual – but I did not make my fruit drink, take my vitamin or my Trimspa, exercise, or drink water, despite thinking that I ought to several times. I did however decide to have Elliot take a “before” picture of me. I was going to try to use the automatic timer so he wouldn’t have to be involved (and I wouldn’t have to explain it), and then thought it would be so much easier if he could just do it. He was great – but I’m awful! Seeing myself there in my bra and underwear there is no hiding the fact that I am seriously overweight. By any measure. I’ve never seen myself looking so bad, and not having a full length mirror in our house, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen myself in quite that way. Thinking of that picture almost makes me want to cry. So, it doesn’t matter how I fill my day with busy and mostly necessary projects. If I don’t seriously focus on losing weight, I’m only going to stay like this. It’s completely unacceptable. But I’m not going to talk about it any more tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to start the day off right!

I started on Kimberly’s baby gift. I talked to her the other night and she had her baby boy. I could hear his little baby noises in the phone. So precious. I had been imagining my project, but when I laid out my material, I see that I’m going to have to get some more material for it. I’m bummed, because I only found the stuff I was looking for at Walmart, and I hate shopping there, but it really is just the thing I want. I was trying to use up every little scrap, trying to avoid buying anything new, but I can’t do it. So, tomorrow I’m off to the evil giant. But I’m only getting a yard of material and I’m out of there!

I was just Instant Messaging with my buddy Ben and telling him how fat I am and now I feel like I’m going to cry. I gotta go. Wish me luck for tomorrow (and many days to follow!)